I am being tested by this pandemic. Still. 20 months on. The vaccine for kids ages 5-11 is literally days away from rollout, but my daughter's school has a sizeable covid-19 outbreak. Boom, email went out Sunday night declaring remote school for the affected grade. Trick-or-treat time for me was spent obsessing over what to do.
I just... Can't keep doing this! What am I supposed to do? There is no help to call on. The "rest" of the culture seems to have moved on and I am expected in person at work. She is not very old, obviously, being ineligible for the current vaccine. I am exhausted from the mental calculus of what is acceptable and least objectionable on multiple fronts. I am burned out from living one day at a time for years now. Years of not being able to look forward to a happy future, a good future, will drag you down.
I miss the days of thinking it through with my partner.
I miss the days of passing the baton back and forth to make it work.
I miss the relief of conversation and shared looks. This is nuts but we will get through it.
This week will be hard, but it will pass. If none of us test positive, it will be but an inconvenience. The way this life goes, next week I won't even remember how stressed I was today in the face of the next challenge.
Today is not forever. That is what I need to remember in these moments of desperation.
Today is NOT forever.
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