Gratitude

This one is quick and not polished, just an acknowledgment that there are many things in my life worthy of gratitude.

Always first, Chris. The pain I feel now reflects a deep love we shared. He helped me become a better person and will continue to guide my life. I am so thankful for him.

My children. While this is not an easy time for any of us, the kindness they frequently show me and each other is special. I love them and am enormously grateful that they arrived in my life when they did.

My employer. I'll forever appreciate this semester of flexibility. My boss made sure that I would have the time and space to care for my family without financial worry. I was offered total choice over how and when to come back to my position. I chose to return quite quickly but at 2/3 load; I'm only teaching labs. It's just enough to provide structure and helpful engagement with the work I love, but not so much that it takes over my life. In normal times, my job is often the first thing I think of when I wake up. Right now it just isn't and happily it doesn't have to be because of my reduced responsibility. I'm taking needed time to run, walk, think, read, write, and deal with unpleasant tasks. It is all helping immensely, and I don't worry about spending my time differently. It will be there for me in full force later. I'm grateful for their genuine concern for me and full trust that I will be able to give back in the future. 

Colleagues. I'm extremely fortunate that some of my colleagues are my closest friends. Others have reached out and these deepening connections are a treasure. A couple of opportunities at the College were thrown my way within the last couple of weeks, and the vote of confidence as well as prospects for the future have provided a much-needed lift. I've embraced the cliche to not make any big decisions now, but being encouraged to pursue ways to engage in new ways is safe and welcome.

Chris's colleagues. They let me know when things happen at the company that Chris would have been happy about. An article dedicated to his memory came out this week in arguably the most prestigious chemistry journal and it was sent to me. Chris would have loved to see the success of this particular work and there is no way I would have seen it without an email. Other efforts to remember him at the company have been shared with me. It all makes him feel close and it helps me know that Chris was special in so many ways, to so many people. I don't want to lose these people that were close to him, and they've let me know I won't.

The kindness of friends and family. I'll never be able to say all of the thanks I should, but all of the ways people have reached out helps. We have received 3 amazing meals this week, and this removed the responsibility of cooking. I wish I could say that I used the extra time to tidy up and clean the house, but instead I've continued my running, thinking, reading, and writing. Friends are asking me to coffee, for walks, arranging a night out, and checking in from all over. This helps. Colby and Davie family members continually check in. Nobody can fix this, but these gestures shore up my foundation. All of you help me keep going.